i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
