Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
