I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
