It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
