What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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