I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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