i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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