My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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