We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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