i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
this hospital has no fireball
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
