i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
