I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
