I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
