Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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