So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
