I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
