I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
