Me. At least after what I've been through.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
