oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
