I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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