I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
