My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
