Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
love makes seman taste better
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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