I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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