I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
