I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
