We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
