So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
