its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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