I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
