woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
