She's JV to your varsity
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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