im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
