The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
