I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
