why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
