I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
