I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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