I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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