I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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