My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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