Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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