Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
