oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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