I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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