If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
