is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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