how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
