they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
