Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
