i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
